Gold digger

My blog has had some feedback for the past couple of days. I generally love feedback and comments (good or bad), but I kind of feel this one takes the biscuit:

Screen Shot 2016-01-25 at 23.01.17Here is the English translation.

‘F*ck me what an embarrassing cow, the gold digger slag thinks that she’s some f*cking superstar because she was able to move to some slitty eye-country as her husband’s tag-along. While her husband is there shagging teenage girls the attention seeking whore is typing her shitty blog. She’s exactly the kind of person who laughs at people in bread queues and thinks she is better than those people but when her husband leaves her and she ends up in the same bread queues like the rest of us, she jumps the queue and still thinks she’s she better than us. Embarrassing loser bitch.’


The above comment was not posted in the comment section of my blog. I found it on a Finnish baby-magazine’s readers’ forum. You might wonder what I was doing reading a baby magazine’s web-page (mum, don’t get excited, I’m not pregnant!). I guess you might also wonder what the above foul-mouthed person was doing on a baby-magazine’s web-page! But I noticed yesterday that my blog had had over 700 clicks from the above magazine. So, I went to investigate why pregnant ladies or women with small children would discuss (and visit) my blog.

It turned out that a Finnish lady had seen my recent advert for an au pair and she initially thought of suggesting that her daughter should apply for the post, but then had read my blog and decided we were not a nice family for her daughter – or in fact, for anyone.

I understand where she is coming from, given that my blog is not really everyone’s cup of tea – after all I don’t tend to write about mindfulness or colouring books for adults, or post photos of idyllic summer cottage scenes, energizing spinach and strawberry smoothies or … cats – there, I said it, the c-word! (From experience, my blog’s viewer stats will take a while to recover every time I associate of cats with something negative). Instead, I write about our experience of living in Japan, England and Finland, as I find it much more interesting to compare differences between different cultures (from our perspective, since we currently have an opportunity to do so), hopefully in a way that comes across as objective and analytic (and funny!) rather than bitter or preaching. But comparing cultures objectively/analytically inevitably means that every nation gets some stick every once in a while. Of course I am I well aware that this might alienate some readers and incidentally, it seems that, in the case of many Finnish readers, my previous blog post really gave them the hump.

So, I have taken on board the magazine readers’ comments (the above foul-mouthed comment and 20-something other comments) and from hereafter, will try to express my cross-cultural observations in a less negative manner – however I can’t promise that I will succeed, namely because I am Finnish and thus a critical take on life and people just comes ever so naturally to me.

I did not address the comments directly in the magazine’s web-page, but I would like to clarify some points here in my blog. This is really just so that you, my few remaining readers (who I have not yet offended to the extent that you’ve logged onto a baby magazine’s web-page to get it all off your chest) won’t make the same incorrect assumptions as the Finnish mums.


1. The assumption that I will jump the (bread) queue.

Maybe people in Finland jump the queue, but I have lived in England and Japan (two countries in which nobody jumps the queue) for the past 16 years. I would rather go low-carb than jump the (bread) queue.


2. The assumption that I’m a Gold Digger

When I met my husband he worked as a runner in a TV production company (this might sound like a glamorous job to a gold digger but it really is not!). For the first couple of years of our relationship, I was the main breadwinner of us two. Ok, currently my husband earns more than me (which is to be expected, given that I am an academic!), but I don’t have the appearance traditionally associated with gold diggers: hair extensions, fake eyelashes and nails, orange tan, tiny waist, big boobs and ridiculous eye brows. Instead, I look like a mum.


3. The assumption that I am a bitter and unhappy wife who has sacrificed her life for her workaholic husband’s career

They got this slightly wrong, as it is my husband who has sacrificed his life for my career. My husband has a successful career in England, but for the past two years, he’s been bending over backwards and has travelled back and forth between England and Japan to allow me to also have my career.

But I don’t think he is bitter or unhappy (neither am I). We think us having had the opportunity to live between Japan and England (and Finland) has been amazing.

My husband is not a workaholic. He works very hard and does extremely long hours when he is in England, but when he is in Japan he is essentially a house husband and spends a lot of time with our children (whilst doing enough work to keep his business running). I would argue that him being a house husband 6 months a year, means that he spends more time with our children than a typical father would.


4. The assumption that I am must be an awful wife (and that you feel sorry for my husband)

I don’t think I am an awful wife, although, my husband occasionally states that I drive him to an early grave (but whose husband doesn’t). Maybe because I drag him to a love hotel at every given opportunity or go completely OCD about our kids picking up Ebola during 20 hour flights.

My husband also occasionally drives me crazy (but whose husband wouldn’t), for instance when he forgets to bring our towels to a remote beach or buys the wrong coffee.

But you just have to take my word for it when I say that generally speaking we are a happy couple.



One a positive note, a small number of people who were involved in the baby magazine’s discussion had been able to detect the (cleverly hidden) humour in my blog posts. Reading those few positive comments made me think that maybe there are some like-minded people out there, geniuses really, who I will have in mind when I write my future posts.


42 thoughts on “Gold digger

  1. I am genuinely upset on your behalf. It is such a courageous thing to write a blog and share your feelings, thoughts an inner self with people and then for some ignorant coward hiding behind a username to ambush you like that. Keep your chin up and keep on writing, keeping us all normal people (me included hopefully) amused and entertained! Love and peace!

  2. Your blog makes me laugh, don’t change anything! I even forgive you the negative use of that C word. That’s how much I like your style. Why is it that the most awful social media comments are always posted on these Finnish baby magazines? It’s slightly disturbing…

    • Veera, thanks so much for your comment, and please accept my deepest apologies for using the c-word 😀

      Yeah, for some reason Vauva-magazine’s readers’ forum seems to attract a lot of discussions that don’t have anything to do with babies or children….Hmm, well actually, I suppose the original message (posted by the lady who thought that our family would not be suitable for her daughter) was related to ‘children’. However, I’m guessing that the woman’s child is aged between 22-40 years, as that’s the age range we specifeied in our add. 🙂

  3. I was absolutely stunned to see the comment and for a moment couldn’t believe my eyes! I hope that person feels better now that she’s got it all off her chest…!

    Personally I enjoy reading your blog and find stories of cultural differences fascinating. I think there are people in this world who believe that life abroad is always glamorous and we only write about our experiences to show off, instead of just sharing the similarities and differences of countries/cultures/cities or simply keeping almost like an online diary. Keep on writing. 🙂

    • Thanks for your lovely comment. I’m so glad to hear that some readers enjoy reading my cross-cultural comparisons. 🙂

      PS. After I got over my initial shock, I thought the extremely offensive comment above was rather entertaining 🙂

  4. I am to re-read this post because I could not believe my eyes the first time. That someone would aim such nasty, absurd abuse at you, after reading your blog, is unbelievable, truly beyond the pale. Please give no more thought to what s/he wrote…it has no connection whatsoever to what you write or who you are and certainly is not worthy of your time or attention. That your blog is wonderful… discerning, witty, fascinating…is beyond question.

  5. Ignore the ignorant comment. Keep writing what you want to write, the way you want to write, it’s your blog. I can see the humour in your intelligent writing and I like reading your observations about a country that I’ve never visited and might never get a chance to visit. Sometimes cultural comparisons can touch a nerve, but then what’s the harm in that. Chin up and keep writing!

  6. Oh dear. Some people obviously have nothing better to do than spend their time writing hateful things about people they don’t know on the internet. Also, funny thing is, that this person for some reason finds you offensive, where others (like me!) find your blog hilarious, which would make me WANT to come and au pair for your family (if only I was a young woman and not a 35 year old mother).

    Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing. If i’m ever in Osaka, let’s catch up for a drink!

    • Thanks so much Rachael <3. It's good to hear that my blog wouldn't put off all au pair applicants from applying 🙂
      We've actually had over 100 applications! I think Japan is such as cool and interesting place that many people would be keen to come and experience its culture, nature and lifestyle. You and I are so lucky that we've had the opportunity to live here 🙂

      Yes, yes, yes! Please let me know if/when you are coming to Osaka. It would be amazing to meet up!

      • I will do. Hopefully i’ll be there for a work trip late August!
        Also, how did you manage to be able to get a visa for an Au Pair? I’ve heard it’s really hard to be able to sponsor someone to come over here!

      • Fab! Maybe I’ll see you in Aug then 🙂

        Yeah, Japan is difficult in comparison to many other countries (like AUS, USA, UK) because over here they don’t have a clearly defined concept of ‘Au pair’. But yeah, we follow advice that we have been given by the Japanese officials.

  7. I love your blog and was in Japan last week and thought about contacting you for a coffee, but realised you are in Osaka and I was in Tokyo. Would have been great to meet up in ‘real life’. Keep up the good work, your words always make me smile.

    • Hi Mel,

      Hope you had a lovely time in Tokyo. It would have been great to meet up for coffee! Maybe I’ll give you a shout the next time I’m in Helsinki 🙂

      Thanks for your lovely comment ❤

  8. I got a shock when I read few comments on that magazine, I couldn’t believe my eyes and for a moment I thought it was a joke! I enjoy reading your blog and I find it fascinating to read how you see/live Japan culture and because of your education I find it more interesting! I wish you all the best and keep going!

  9. Well… There are some people that are just jealous that their life didnt go as well as yours, haters gonna hate, as they say nowadays. But im glad to see that this doesnt change your attitude about yourself or your life. Keep your head up and enjoy while having a good life and people that are jealous. Your definetly doing something right 😉

  10. Haters gonna hate! People do seem to find humour and sarcasm especially difficult (apparently about half of people don’t understand sarcasm!) in written form. And sometimes people just are bitter for whatever reason and externalise it to others. Chin up – seems like your blog is much loved anyway by others 🙂

  11. I feel hurt for you! I just don’t understand how on earth there are such hatred in Finland. Those people who write like that hate everything, and therefore you should have just reported the comment and then deleted it. She or he who wrote that is not normal, but what worries me most is that how many such mentally distorted people are out there.

      • When you feel so inclined, please write about the current economic situation in Finland. I imagine that there are many non-Finns like me who would like to know (more) about it. Thank you, as always, Leslie

      • Hi Leslie,

        I am so sorry but I don’t know enough about economics or the economical situation in Finland to write much about it. But what I can say, is that, currently, the Finnish economy (like the economies of many countries in Europe) is not particularly strong. There are a lot of people out of work and so, I am sure many people struggle to make ends meet. For instance, my hometown, Kotka, has seen industry, namely paper mills and other factories, being rundown, resulting in hundreds of people being made redundant (this of course has a devastating knock on effect on the economy of the area overall).

        I am guessing that, consequently, there are unusually high number of people in Finland who are angry and hateful and direct their anger at other people, even at strangers.

  12. That’s truly awful. I am sorry to hear that you had experience. I can’t believe someone would write such a nasty thing or take the time to write abuse to strangers over the internet. I really like your blog, I love Japan and the Japanese culture so I really can’t get enough of reading about it!

    • Hi Melissa,

      Thanks so much for your comment.
      Lovely to hear you like my blog ❤
      I've just read a couple of your observations/experiences of Japan. I love your style (re writing & life!), and will come back to read more of your posts 🙂

  13. Totally unforgivable! Where were the administrators of the magazine? That comment should be counted into mental illness- and alcoholism- files and burned. I am sorry you had to get it. I love your stories (and enjoyed the visits in Kyoto). My first comment on my blog was “That is the biggest BS I ever read”, I almost did not start blogging at all. Keep up your good spirits and and keep us entertained as well educated!

    • Thanks so much for your comment Irma. ❤

      I also wonder whether there are admins at, or is it really that anything goes…?

      What an awful comment you got, especially since it was your first. Glad you started blogging regardless 🙂

    • Thanks for the link and your comment Eileen. In addition to some psychopathic tendencies, maybe there is also an element of ‘lost in translation’ from English to Finnish (given that, when Finnish is involved, Google Translate does as good a job as a 3-year old in conveying anything other that the basic lexical and grammatical information 😀 :D)

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