Even though I am nearly as huge a fan of food as I am of wine, the title of this blog post does not refer to take away food, it refers to censored material that never made it to my published blog posts (until now).
Most bloggers know what I am talking about. You write your blog, and before you click the ‘publish’ button on your computer screen, you read the post again (maybe 75 times) and cut out or add words/sentences to improve the original version.
I personally cut out quite a lot in the editing phase, partly because I suppose, one could kind of say that I maybe occasionally, or actually frequently, write maybe in a rather long-winded way, but also because some of the material that I originally produce, is not suitable for publication. I bet some of you thought that I let pretty much anything slip through in the published posts but I actually do go through my blog posts before I publish them and tend to cut out the sections which in the drafting phase sounded like a good idea, but on second thought are way too inappropriate, immature, intimate or personal.
But (like most bloggers) sometimes I find it very difficult to cut out sections of my blogs, namely because I find that the most inappropriate, immature, intimate and personal sections are often the most entertaining.
So, I might show poor judgement here but what I will do below is to give you an idea of the kind of stuff that did not pass my editing stage (when originally posted).
I would like to emphasise the fact that this is material that I had the sense not to publish in their original contexts, so please if you are my current/future employer or either one of my children (in 20 years time) try not to judge me based on the excerpts below. I know they are in rather bad taste (and I’m starting to think posting them maybe isn’t such a good idea after all).
In any case, below you’ll find a couple of excerpts of my blog posts that never made it to the final, published, versions. I’ve added a link to the relevant blog post for each excerpt, in case you want to compare the censored and published bits.
1. TOO ROUGH (from blog Computers vs. swimming pools, first paragraph)
Many people have an image of Japan as extremely high tech – maybe induced by Japanese toilets that seem to have a higher IQ than Stephen Hawking. But the reality is that Japan is not really all that high-tech and people are not all that technology savvy. The reality is that Japanese toilets don’t have a higher IQ than Stephen Hawkins, even though Japanese toilets and Stephen Hawking both have an interesting perspective on black holes.
2. TOO MUCH INFORMATION (from blog: Love hotel, last paragraph)
When we got to the lobby my husband and I headed to the pay machine but before we could reach it a female member of staff appeared from a room behind the reception and came and help us with the payment. She looked friendly but she didn’t say anything or really even look at us. We thanked her and sheepishly walked off. I assume they had seen in their CCTV that we had struggled to figure out the procedure of booking a room and payment. This means that they had seen us take photos of the lobby, lifts and corridors. I’m hoping that the hotel staff was convinced that we were there solely for research purposes. Although, I might be a tad optimistic with that one, given that we showed up in the same hotel also the following night.
(If you are 18 and reading this, you probably think: ‘Eww! 40-year olds don’t go to love hotels.’ Well, surprise surprise! They do.)
3. TOO OFFENSIVE (from blog: Gamblers’ hell)
Going off on a tangent, my husband thinks that when it comes to everyday probability, the easiest prediction of all is predicting which women on the beach/pool side in Tenerife, Mallorca or Kos are Finnish. You see, for some reason Finnish 30+ women pretty much all have a (styled) short hair, which is dyed much darker (black, dark brown or red) than their natural colour. So when on a holiday in Finland or elsewhere you see a pale short-haired person wearing a sarong or some other gown-like garment and sandals, you can be pretty sure it’s a Finnish woman, or alternatively Friar Tuck from Robin Hood.
(By the way, who is it that we need to blame for the Finnish ladies’ uniform Friar Tuck hairstyle? – the women or their hairdressers?)
4. TOO INAPPRORIATE (This last one is actually a take out from the current blog post! The following appeared in the original version after the first paragraph).
My husband is well aware of my love affair with food. A couple of days ago I sent him a long list of things that I would like him to bring with him for the UK when he comes to Osaka next week (like squash, teabags, Galaxy bars, toxin free sun cream). Jokily I added at the bottom of the list: ‘Some kinky sex toys’. As a response, my husband sent me this email.
How about this?!
Believe it or not, but there are actually some other ones that I edited out that are even worse than the ones above – they are so bad that it’s not a good idea to publish them even in ‘take out’ blog posts.